Hmm.. Actually I had this thing in Polish, but recently Iapos;ve noticed that thinking in English is somehow easier for me. Of course I lack vocabulary and all that stuff but.. Yeah. Just to give it a try. I was never regular in that anyway.
What makes people want to be emotional exhibitionists? I wonder... And yet here I am, sitting and trying to make a logical note being not exactly sure what should be written. I guess I just believe that writing about certain things helps to put oneself together. Iapos;m not sure do I�really enjoy the very thought that people might read what Iapos;m writing or.. Is it just for the sake of writing itself.
I came back from London couple of days ago, good days which brought amazing experience, some disappointments but... I�donapos;t find any anger inside. Itapos;s just this calmness. The only thing I have to do is to occupy myself with different things, even such as writing this silly note.
Itapos;s unbelievable how our subconsciousness affects everything in our life, or so I can assume. A ghost appeared today in my mind while sleeping. A ghost of a person I�never saw, never knew her name. She just came, pet my head and said "Donapos;t worry. Every thingapos;s going to be ok." I felt like Iapos;ve stolen something from someone. The ghost wasnapos;t even from my family, maybe the dream was to be dreamed by someone else? I felt so guilty but even more calm at the same time. How should we interpret such dreams? I do believe in ghosts; I remember that once my father showed himself to one man who had a heart attack before. The man kept on repeating that my dad said something like "it was a warning" - do they really affect our lives? She was so young, her face was beautiful and that kindness, that aura of love. The one that a real mother creates for her children. I�woke up crying. She was just like he described her. And now the question is - did my imagination created that image or was it really her inside my head? Both of them are pretty strange and a bit scary.
Yesterday I started to write hopefully the last chapter of my so-called book - just made an outline of some random things. And also I decided to go for one concert - of course the tickets had been sold out long time ago, but Iapos;ll find a way. I�always do. Actually I already did :) Itapos;ll be a little more expensive but definitely worth it. So the only thing left is to get them - them because I managed to convince some of my friends to go with me - international meeting - Finland, Poland, Slovakia, Israel maybe? Exciting.
For anyone in London I recommend a play in Southwark Playhouse: How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found by Fin Kennedy: http://www.southwarkplayhouse.co.uk/
The play theyapos;re staging right now is very damn good. Many roles played by few actors, all with a great commitment and each of them with some specific features - especially the old actor. Gets you in a bit schizophrenic state; lights make an amazing atmosphere and I really liked how they dealt with gadgets to be put on stage. Well done everyone
http://www.myspace.com/matthewbaxter� - damn this apos;Lostapos; song is great.
And now Iapos;m stuck in my mind. I think Iapos;ll make more than one note today, just pauses while working.
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